On MY Way

October 17, 2006

Filed under: Uncategorized — only1 @ 6:46 pm

So, I’m counting down the days until my surgery.  It is real close, so close that I am packed and ready to go.  I have one more apointment with my surgeon, have to preadmit myself into the hospital and then I am ready to rock and roll.  This weekend will be my last free weekend, my last unaltered weekend.  Tomorrow evening, son and I are driving down to the Shreveport and we are spending the night so that I can get to my appointment on time, and then back up here we’ll run.  Saturday, I’m making turkey and dressing and all the trimmings and Sunday, I am organizing all my research books, so I’ll have something to read and do when I get home.  I am counting.  Please, please, please, don’t let anything mess this up.

Filed under: Uncategorized — only1 @ 6:46 pm

So, I’m counting down the days until my surgery.  It is real close, so close that I am packed and ready to go.  I have one more apointment with my surgeon, have to preadmit myself into the hospital and then I am ready to rock and roll.  This weekend will be my last free weekend, my last unaltered weekend.  Tomorrow evening, son and I are driving down to the Shreveport and we are spending the night so that I can get to my appointment on time, and then back up here we’ll run.  Saturday, I’m making turkey and dressing and all the trimmings and Sunday, I am organizing all my research books, so I’ll have something to read and do when I get home.  I am counting.  Please, please, please, don’t let anything mess this up.

October 7, 2006

Just a date, that’s all I want.

Filed under: Uncategorized — only1 @ 3:26 am

So, I am so close to having surgery.  My doctor’s nurse called and now I am having to get a clearance from my pulmonologists.  I was fortunate to get an appointment for Tuesday and his nurse promised to immediately fax a clearance from him.  So, I have been cleared by my pcp, my cardiologists, my rheumatologists, and now my pulmonologists.  I will be the most cleared person ever.  I am so tired of getting a date, getting close to the date and either getting sick, or having a fucked up blood test, that I am hesitant to become hopeful.  I am, however, using every precaution that I know of to keep me from getting the flu, a cold, pnumonia, food posion, staph, strep, or anything else that will keep me from  having surgery.  It’s funny, I have useed more lysol spray and disinfectant hand wash and clorox wipes in the last two weeks than most people use in their life time. 

July 17, 2006

So Summer is Hot!

Filed under: Uncategorized — only1 @ 12:53 pm

It is so hot and I am so miserable and am so waiting for this surgery, which has been pushed back to Ocotober.  I am so tired of my life revolving around test, more test, and doctor’s appointments that I am just not going to think about wls until a week before it happens, otherwise, I’ll go nuts.  I’ve missed blogging but have been so busy working on my research.  I promise to do better. 

May 27, 2006

moving forward

Filed under: Uncategorized — only1 @ 1:57 pm

I have checked at Baylor and have an appointment, plus I have an appointment in
Louisiana.  I’m going to go with the one who can do the surgery first.  Both have great reputations and I have confidence in both hospitals.  I am not giving up on my doctor here, but he is so slow and so cautious.  He is trying to get his clinic a center of excellence and doesn’t want any complications, so he sees me as high risk because of my lungs and blood.  I have had more surgeries than Frankenstein and while I have all these problems, I come out of surgery following the directions down to the letter and if the nurses don’t come in, I call and I get up and I turn, cough, and deep breathe, and get up and do all those things that make recovery easy and fast.  But, he sees me as a not so good candidate.  I will have this surgery done this summer, I am not giving up.  No way. 

May 21, 2006

Feeling sorry for myself yet again

Filed under: Uncategorized — only1 @ 1:34 pm

I am thinking of going to Dallas, bypassing my surgeon here in Arkansas, and going to
Dallas and letting them do the surgery.  I have an appointment on June 8, that is, if my surgeon doesn’t schedule me before then.  All I know is that I am so eager to get this surgery and begin to lose these awful pounds.  My arms are so fat that when I lift them up, it kills my neck.  I bet they each weigh more than my grandson. 

When did all of this happen?  You know, I don’t gain weight by one or two pounds, no, I gain by five and ten pounds.  Of course, when I lose, I lose big too, but that’s not the point.  One day, I’m one size, the next week, I’m another.  I don’t want to go back to a 4x.  But that is where I’m heading.  The sad thing, all the stress of getting custody of my grandson, and dealing with all this pre-op stuff has me going into a binge that won’t quit.  I am never full.  When I see my reflection I am appalled.  I don’t ever look in the mirror.  When I brush my teeth, I take my glasses off.  I can’t bear to see who I’ve become.  I remember better times.  I remember wearing a size 7, running, buying clothes anywhere, buckling my seat belt, fitting into booths, bending over, squatting, rolling over with ease, doing all those things that normal people take for granted.  Even brushing my hair is a challenge.  I’m sure you all know what I mean, at least those of you who were and are morbidly obese.  Enough said.

May 14, 2006

My worst Mother’s day greeting!

Filed under: Uncategorized — only1 @ 2:37 pm

Today is mother’s day.  It is and has been one of the worst days of the year, for me anyway.  My mom died when I was a child and mother’s day was like pouring salt in my wound.  A day where everyone young wore a certain color of flower to church, if your mother was alive, it was, I think white, if your mother was dead, it was read, again, I think, I may have that backwards.  So, every mother’s day I dressed, dreading to put that flower on, the one that said, “hey, dead mom here.” 

Now, I’m a mom, have been for almost 30 years, and while my son has always wished me a happy mother’s day and usually buys me a little card or something, my daughter has avoided mentioning anything to me on any of those kinds of days: no birthday card, Christmas card, or mother’s day card.  This year, I have her son, the baby who is 22 months old, and I’m certain she hates more than any one person can hate anyone.  To her, I have the baby because I am getting to her, not that I have the baby because he needs to be kept safe and not neglected. She is addicted to Meth. I am dreaded the phone call, the one that I am sure to get, the one where she begs to see the baby, which, by the way, I never deny her seeing her son, I just refuse to let her leave with him for obvious reasons, but when I tell her no or when I say you can come here and see him or I will meet you someplace and you can see him, she will start with the name calling and the one that she calls me that tears my heart into pieces is: You fucking fat pig, I hate your fucking guts.  That is what I will hear today.

May 11, 2006

My Vacation officially begins tomorrow. Yeah!

Filed under: Uncategorized — only1 @ 2:02 pm

I’m finished with classes.  All my work is done, well except for a few minor things and I am clear for a fun summer.  Hopefully, this fun will be having WLS.  I am going to make that my total goal.  If all goes well, maybe by the first of June, I’ll have a date that I can keep, my doctor can keep, that is, if my blood work stays good, and it is good, by the way.  I have pneumonia now, but I’m on good antibiotics and hopefully this too will pass.

May 8, 2006

No it’s not all about fat, sometimes, I like a rock too.

Filed under: Uncategorized — only1 @ 11:45 am

It has been a while since I last posted. Mostly, I have been busy ending this semester.  Too many papers to grade, too many papers to write, and getting custody of my 22 month old grandson has been taking up more of my time than I had thought possible.  But, I have a minute before more writing, more grading, and the baby wakes up.  I thought I would write about me, what I like.  I am a rock collector.  I love to find a dried creek bed or a shallow river and look for the beauties that lie just below the surface, or slightly buried.  The other day, I found a caneverous looking rock.  I am going to research its orgins.  It looks igneous, hope it is.  When I have the WLS, and loose about a hundred pounds, I am going down the mines and dig for my own crystals.  Yes, that is my dream.  I am also taking a road trip to WAshington and getting as close as I can to the Mt. St. Helens crater and hopefully will get me a nice piece of lava.  That will be front and center next to my huge marble rock from Tennesee.  So now you know, I love rocks.  Does this mean I am a nerd? 

April 30, 2006

Practicing for after WLS

Filed under: Uncategorized — only1 @ 12:18 pm

I am still eagerly awaiting a day, a date, anything that will give me a countdown to the day that I will put an end to this madness of weight gain.  But, in the meantime, I am doing a liquid fast every other day or so, to get accustomed to the liquids that I am going to be on before and after surgery.  So, I can make a really wicked soup out of store bought chicken or beef broth.  What I do is season it with finely chopped green onions, raw egg whites that cook in the broth, and salt and pepper.  Makes a real nice and filling little eggdrop soup.  Another really nice and clear or near clear liquid is to boil potatoes and drain off the potatoes and feed to my husband, and with the broth, I add a little salt and pepper and onion powder.  Works great and makes a nice little meal.  I have also been working with low fat meats like turkey and chicken, which I use chicken anyways, but now I am cooking the meat so that it is shreadable and adding a little broth and into the blender.  Yeah, it's gross to look at, but with a little garlic and onion, wow, taste great.  So, those are proactive things that I am doing to prepare for my big day.  Hopefully it will get here soon.

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